(UPDATED FROM 11/13/2020)
It makes sense that parents — both of kids and pets — would stick with PG-rated bumper stickers. But why are they so dorky?
The obsessiveness of pet parents is amply displayed in the above photo. Click here to experience the full glory of that imaginary red car’s bumper stickers.
One might assume that the person who slapped this bumper sticker on their fairly new and meticulously maintained SUV has worked hard to train their dogs to eat at the dinner table. Visualize what happens when “Golden” forgets to use a fork.
The second photo announces that an avid — and proud — marathoner has a dog. Does the arrangement of the bumper stickers suggest that the dog wants to run marathons too? Or gets tired of waiting for his or her companion to come home from another run?
Oh, the things we announce to the world . . .
At least the “I heart my dog” is a simple and direct expression of feelings. But out of everything that one might announce to the world, why this? Should we assume that this person is hopelessly single? Or single-minded?
Then there’s “Swim Dad.” It makes sense that parents would display pride in their child’s extracurricular activities. But why embarrass the kid with such an odd-looking picture of a swimmer?
If you’re going to brag about your child’s sport, I suppose one could at least do so with a certain degree of subtlety. The bumper sticker below does a decent job of that. But when would you actually invoke the saying, “Keep calm and just keep swimming”? When attacked by a pool shark?
“Swim taxi” announces the important news that this parent is burdened with the chore of getting their kid to swim practice. After all, it wouldn’t do for their kid to take the bus.
How to appeal to parental pride
The National Society of High School Scholars once stated that it helps applicants “‘WOW’ college admission counselors” (NSHSS, 2014). If that was true, why make such a crass appeal to parental ego?
At least the next bumper sticker doesn’t have a competitive or elitist tone — and Kiwanis does have a “Terrific Kids” recognition program (2020). But why not focus on the kid rather than interjecting the parent?
By the same token, why do parents narrowly define themselves by the activity their child happens to be participating in at that moment?
Imagine all of the other “______” mom/dad bumper stickers that could be shared with the world about their children’s developmental milestones.
Sarcastic bumper stickers pit dogs against kids
Of course, one can find sarcastic responses to dorky bumper stickers, such the following two lauding the intellectual superiority of dogs.
However funny, these bumper stickers are nevertheless bragging about their owner’s choices in dog breeds. Nothing like a good insult to cover up one’s pride.
What’s really being said here is that my pet is better than your child. That may be less dorky than the first two bumper stickers shown above, but it’s also a wee bit heartless.
Our final bumper sticker may be old and frayed but still offers an important reminder about something that some of us dorky adults can forget.
NOTES:
This photo essay was originally posted August 15, 2015 and updated on November 13, 2020 and June 1, 2025.
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RE:SOURCES
- Kiwanis; 2025. “Terrific Kids.” Accessed May 30.
- NSHSS; 2014. “Accept invitation.” Accessed May 3. Link deactivated.
I don’t really have anything to say to the world, so I have never had stickers on my car. I’ve never been a fan of vanity tags either unless they related to the car in some way. I do have an Idaho “Pet Friendly” tag on my car just because I liked the picture of the dog.
I always remove the dealer advertising stuff, stickers and tag frames, etc. as I’m not interested in shilling for any car dealer unless they were willing to pay me!