Some of the web’s most important writing is buried in auto blog comment sections. One of my all-time favorites is a soliloquy by Truth About Cars commentator Petezeiss (2014). In response to criticisms of the 2015 Corvette Z06’s weight gain, he argued that this car could be crucial to saving us from space aliens:
“You guys just wait… someday there’s gonna be a war between us and an alien invasion force that slams their ships into the ground and then has their troops burrow back up through perfectly smooth highway pavement.
The only way to defend against them will be hordes of fast cars heavy enough to crush their cephalopoid skulls when they first show head and slowly wriggle upwards.
Only the saving grace of having a fleet-in-being of these Corvettes is gonna save us long enough for GM to once again become part of The Arsenal of Democracy that overwhelms the foe with sheer weight of numbers and mandated safety features.
Scoff now, join up later. If you haven’t become squid food.”
Shaker (2014) offered a friendly amendment:
“’cephalopoid skulls’
Seems like a contradiction, but the spelling of ‘cephalopoid’ saves it. They’re also likely to be vertebrates, being able to tunnel through pavement and all.
The ‘Vette would need an optional skid plate, at least an extra 50 lbs.”
I think we have here the beginnings of a whole new national security policy. These comments inspired an Indie Auto satirical news story posted earlier this year (go here).
RE:SOURCES
- Petezeiss; 2014. commentator in “2015 Corvette Z06: Price Is Low, Weight Is Up, Stakes Is High.” The Truth About Cars. Posted Aug. 23; accessed Aug. 24.
- Shaker; 2014. commentator in “2015 Corvette Z06: Price Is Low, Weight Is Up, Stakes Is High.” The Truth About Cars. Posted Aug. 23; accessed Aug. 24.
This is an updated version of a story first posted August 25, 2014.
Be the first to comment